Customs and Manners of Kerala

Marriage Customs
Marriage and morals are twins. Kerala has developed its own marriage customs and morals. Adult marriage alone had social sanction. Child marriage was never permitted. Voluntary union of the male and the female was the most popular type of marriage. Female morality was of a very high order. With the coming of the Aryans, drastic changes were brought about in marriage and morals. Child marriage replaced adult marriage. Widows were looked down upon. The status of women declined and morals became loose. The Chola-Chera War brought about much degeneration in the institution of marriage and morals. The new age ushered in the institution of polygamy and polyandry. However, with the spread of western education, poyandry lost its acceptance as a civilised practice. Though polygamy still continues in a limited measure, it is also losing its ground. Thus monogamy has come to be accepted as the popular system of marriage in Kerala.

Talikettu-Kalyanam
This was a custom which prevailed widely among the Nairs, Ezhavas and Kammalas. The term talikettu-kalyanam signified the tying of a tali (a badge), implying a mock marriage between a boy and a girl above the age of twelve. The function was held in great pomp and display, for which a lot of money was spent. The supposition was that with this ritual, the girl became eligible for marriage. The tali tier thereby did not get any special claim for marriage. With the spread of education, when people became conscious of the futility of the custom, it was abandoned. Though the custom was thrown over-board, the practise of typing tali has come to occupy a necessary item of marriage ceremony as the presentation of cloth.

Restrictions on marriage alliances
The accepted practice of a fair marriage is marriage within one's own caste. As the traditional caste system has declined, inter-caste, inter-sub-caste marriages are very common and are on the increase. The new generation has been progressively shrugging its shoulders against caste restraints and is crossing over to other castes and even religions to marry. The growth of education, spread of liberal ideals of cosmopolitanism, and increasing urbanisation have contributed to this change. Such situations however invite opposition from parents. The whole question centres round the problem of adjustment between couples and between children of the union with the rest of society.
Although caste restrictions on marriage have gone or at least are fast forgotton, those based on blood relationship still persist. All communities disallow marriages between near blood relations. Among the Brahmins, endogamous marriage alone are permitted. They never sanction marriages between those related either through the father or mother. Tamil Brahmins follow a different system. Marriages with the daughter of a maternal uncle or paternal aunt is claimed as a matter of rights Within the Nair community children of brothers and sisters get into matrimonial relations. However, there are very few marriages between children of sisters or children of brothers.
The Christian marriages are also endogamous. There are very few marriages between members of two different churches. This restriction is progressively overlooked in recent times. The Christians do not permit marriages between any relations. Even cousins up to the fourth degree are not permitted to marry. The Muslims are not very strict in these matters. Matrimonial relations between sons and daughters of brothers and sisters are very common. However, they scrupulously avoid marriages between uncle and his niece, and a person with his brother's daughter.

Marriage Ceremonies
In marriage ceremonies Kerala presents a rich variety. Different communities and castes have developed their own marriage ceremonies. The Hindus as a whole compare notes of the horoscopes of the boy and the girl, to find out the suitability of their marriage. Once the compatibility of the proposal was found out, they proceeded to the next ceremony called motiram moral (exchange of rings). The Brahmins marriage is a prolonged affair as it is accompanied by elaborate ceremonies. Some important rituals associated with their marriage are tali tying, presentation of clothes to the bride and the bridegroom, gift of water* to the girl, walking around the fire and Saptapadi. The Nairs follow a different practice. The bridgroom is usually received, at the marriage pan-dal with Ashtomangalyam (eight auspicious things). The feet of the bridegroom are then washed by the would-be brother-in-law. The marriage ceremony of the Nairs boils down to the tying of the tali and presentation of clothes to the bride by the bridegroom. The marriage is always followed or in some cases preceded by a sumptuous feast or tea party. Most other non-Brahmin communities also follow the same practices. Usually the marriages were conducted in the bride's house, but in recent times they are normally held in temples or public halls.
The Christians follow quite a different type of marriage ceremony. Like the Hindus, the Christians also make use of minnu(teli) as a token of marriage: The minnu necessarily has a cross on it. It is tied on the neck of the bride by the bridegroom using threads taken from the mantrakodi. The Church is the venue of Christian marriages and they are solemnised with singing and prayers held under the leadership of a priest. The couple are finally blessed into happy wedlock. In the end there will be a marriage feast.

The marriage of the Muslims is generally held at night. They call it nikah. The function is celebrated under the leadership of a Musaliar (learned man). The ceremony begins with the declaration of the conditions of the marriage by the Musaliar in front of the fathers of the bride and bridegroom. If the bridegroom agrees to the conditions, the mahar (the money that bridegroom has agreed to pay to the bride) will then be announced openly. When this is agreed to, the nikah gets wound up. A feast is then served to the guests. The final part of the ceremony is tying of the tali after drinking the sweetened milk offered to the bridegroom by the mother of the bride.
Even among the hill tribes the tali tying is an important part of the marriage ceremony. Among some tribes presentation of cloth to the bride by the bridegroom is an essential ceremony. Bride price is also given to the bridgroom by the bride's father. The headman of the tribe normally officiates at marriages. Thus the different communities and castes still follow their respective rites at marriages.

Dowry System
Dowry system has prevailed in Kerala among the Christians, the Muslims and the Namboothiris from early days. But the Dowry Prohibition Act of 1961 forbad the giving or receiving of dowry. Still it continues as a deep-rooted social custom.

Ceremonies Relating to Birth and Childhood
Even in this regard the Hindus, the Christians and the Muslims follow a variety of ceremonies. Many of these customary ceremonies survive even today.
As far as the Hindus are concerned, they observe several ceremonies. The first of such ceremonies is the Namakaranam(naming ceremony) which is performed within one month of the child's birth. Chorunu takes place in the sixth month of the child. This is now-a-days held in temples. Institution into education begins in the third year or fifth year of the child. The ceremony is spoken of a Vidyar-ambham. To the Brahmins there is a special ceremony called Upanayanam. This is the time when the holy thread is tied. All Hindus observethe Piran-nal, the birth ceremony. The annual Sradha is also not defaulted. Two other ceremonies performed by the Hindus are Tirandukuli and Pulikudi, the former announcing the first menses of the girl, and the latter observed at the nineth month of the pregnancy of a woman.
The Christians of Kerala also observe certain ceremonies regularly. Corresponding to the Hindu namakaranam ceremony is the baptism of the Christians, the occasion when a child is named. The rice feeding ceremoney or Chorunu is also performed like the Hindus. The Vidyar-ambham ceremony is also conducted by the Christians when children are initiated into learning. The death anniversary of parents are commemorated by the Christians as well.
A set of dirrerent ceremonies is observed by the Muslims. At the birth of a child the mullah murmers the Vanku (call to prayer) in its ears. The Sunnath Kalyanam is a very sacred ceremony which is performed on a boy at the twelfth year. It is the circumcision. A child is admitted to the Mosque only after the performance of this ceremony. Other ceremonies of the Muslims are Katukuthu or ear boring ceremony of girls, and the tirandu kuli Kalyanam when a girl attains puberty. On all these occasions the invited guests are entertained in a feast.

Death Ceremonies
In Kerala each community follows a different set of ceremonies connected with death. The Hindus observe the following along with death. When a person approaches death he is served with water or milk. When the body and soul separate, he is taken to the courtyard, washed and bhasma smeared on the forehead. Then the corpse is taken for cremation, sparingly for burial. The eldest son sets fire to the dead body. After that the mourners take a bath. Then on the fifth day the Sanchayanam is celebrated. It is the collection of the remains from the cremation ground in a decorated pot. It is taken home and buried under a jack tree. After sometime, it will be taken out and immersed in the waters of a holy river. It may also be noted that some sections of the Hindus (Pisharotis) only bury their dead. Burial is resorted to in the case of children and those who died on account of leprosy or small-pox.
The Christians have also perfected a totally different death ceremony. When a person approaches death he is given the holy communion by a priest. As soon as he dies, the corpse is washed and then laid in state in a decorated coffin at a prominent place in the house. The body is placed in such a way that the face, faces the east. When all the dear and near ones have paid homage to the departed person, the body is taken to the cemetery. But before that the priest offers some prayers. Preceding the hurial some more prayers are offered by the priest and then the coffin is taken to the tomb for burial. After the burial the priest and the people get back home for a light repast. Some sections of the Christians perform the pulakuli also on the thirteenth day. Other sections hold a memorial prayer meeting at the residence of the dead.
The Muslims follow still a different pattern of death ceremony. As soon as a person dies, his old dress is changed. The corpse is washed and laid on the floor. Rose water and powdered comphor will be sprinkled in the place where the dead body is kept. The mullah recites the Quran. The corpse is again washed and taken to the burial ground. After reciting a few prayers by the mourner, the body is buried in the grave. The mullah recites the Quran for three days in the house of the deceased. The ceremony ends with the maulud, which is not performed at present.

Dress and Ornaments
In dress and ornaments, Kerala offers a splendid variety. One distinctive feature of dress in Kerala is its simplicity and elegance. Majority of males use a white mundu. It is worn round the loins and is tucked inside on the right by all except the Muslims, who do it on the left. The mundu comes down to the ankles. Many people fold it up from the bottom up to the knees and is also tucked in. This is done for easy movement of the legs. The male also uses some undergarment called konam or koupi-nam. In addition to the above, a small upper garment is worn over the shoulders called torthu. Occasionally when going out to attend special functions, instead of the torthu, a longer second cloth of finer variety is used. As far as the Muslim male is concerned, he uses the coloured mundu instead. Usually a fez cap or skull cap is used by males.
The traditional patterns of dress though continue, several changes have overaken in the fashions of men. These are common among men belonging to all castes and communities. In the place of the white mundu, lungi is used now-a-days as informal wear. The undercloth also is replaced by underwear or drawers. Among the educated, the youths and professionals, the common items of dress are trouser, shirt, bush-shirts and banian.
Women of different communities and castes do not wear identical dress. The Christians and Hindus have a strong liking for white clothes. The Nairs, the Kshatriyas, and Ambalava-sis have an undergarment, (Onnara-mundu), the upper garment (mundu), bodice and blouse. When stirring out to public places a longer cloth of finer variety (neriathu) is worn over the shoulders. The Namboothiri women use two white cloth one for the lower part and the other for the upper part. The Ezhava women more or less follow the Nair custom, with the exception of onnaramundu. The traditional Christian dress for women is a long white garment Katchamuri and a jacket for the upper part. The Muslim women clad themselves in a cloth called Katchamundu a loose bodice or jacket and a scarf on the head. The Purdah system still lingers on among certain sections of the Muslims.
However, a radical change came about in the dress of Kerala women. The younger generation of women of all communities have abandoned their traditional dress in favour of the modern all-India pattern of Sari, jumpers, cholis, blouses, jackets, brassiers, and under-wears. Now-a-days the use of churitars of enchanting pattern, half-skirts of exquisite hue and variety and tops of different variety have increasingly become popular with girls of all communities.
The Scheduled castes and tribes used only scanty dress till recent times. Education and Harijan welfare schemes have brought them on a par with other communities. With the result there is not much difference in the dress worn by them and other communities.

Ornaments
Modern Kerala ornaments of different size and pattern are used by women of almost all communities. These ornaments are usually meant for the neck, the arm, the ear, the nose, the waist and the ankle. The usual patter of ornaments for the neck are long chain and necklaces of gold. Bracelets and rings of gold of various designs are widely used for the arm. Mukkuthi is worn not by all but by a few. The ear ornaments are also of several varieties like rings and studs. The younger ones also use Ar-anjanam for the waist and Kolusu for the ankle. The Christian women wear all the above ornaments of gold except the one for the nose. The Muslim women wear plenty of ornaments of gold. The Namboothiri women are not largely given to the use of costly ornaments. Men also share the joy of ornaments such as chains, finger rings etc.
In modern times costly ornaments are limited to the bare minimum. The common ornaments used are a necklace, a pair of studs, and a few pairs of bangles and finger rings. Men have nearly abandoned the luxury at present.